I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
