can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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