Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
