Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
