once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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