I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
