Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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