Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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