I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
