Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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