You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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