The maid of honor just puked.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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