i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
