I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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