she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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