Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
