tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
