She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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