im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
