It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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