you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
