you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
