My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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