his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
