Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
