Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
