everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
