Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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