So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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