Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
