Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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