If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
