It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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