im six kinds of drunk right now
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
