When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
