u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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