I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
