Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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