you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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