We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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