if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
