found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
