Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
