I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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