My Higher Power is John Stamos
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
