I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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