guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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