I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
