Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
