does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
