i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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